Matt the Great

Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV This Week

Jessie: Time? TIME??! There’s never any time! I don’t have time to study! I’ll never get into Stanford! I’ll let everyone down! I’m so confused

Zack: Everything will be all right, just calm down, OK?

Jessie: You’re right! Everything will be OK. I just need one of these!

Zack: Pills?? You mean you really are taking drugs?!

Jessie: I need them! I need them Zack I HAVE TO SING!

Zack: Jessie! You can’t sing tonight!

Jessie: Yes I can! I’M SO EXCITED! I’M SO EXCITED! I’M SO ... (sob) .... SCARED! (Cries)

Zack: Jessie, hey don’t be scared. Listen, we’ll get through this. Remember that time when we snuck out to see ET, riding home on our bikes, it was so dark--we were scared. C'mon.

(Quoted on http://poppycockcircus.com/v-web/b2/index.php?m=200408. You *won't* be disappointed.)

When someone says, "Saved By The Bell," you know the caffeine pill episode is going to be mentioned within two or three beats, and we all know why it's so awesome, so I'm not going to bother talking about it.

But...

I was watching a Degrassi, Old School, and listen to (read) this!:

BLT (for real): Hi Michelle. What's in the bag?

Michelle: Nothing.

(BLT reaches for Michelle's bag.)

Michelle: I said no!

BLT: Fine.

Michelle: I'm sorry, you know how I get during exams. It's just these. (She hands him a blue box of "Perk-Ups.")

BLT: Caffeine pills? Michelle, what are you doing taking drugs for?

Michelle: They're not drugs; they're just like lots coffee!

BLT: These are drugs.

Michelle: C'mon, they can't be that bad. You don't even need a prescription. They just help keep me awake, that's all.

--And then later, the breakdown, or The Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV This Week--

BLT: (enters) Ready for the Geography exam? It's in five minutes.

Michelle: Five minutes? Oh no! I lost track of time! I'm not ready. I'll blow it. I know I'll blow it. (she hurriedly gathers her books)

BLT: Calm down.

Michelle: Why should I calm down?! Why are you always telling me what to do? You're worse than my dad, you know that? (in a fit of bad acting, she drops her belongings) Oh no! Everything's going all wrong!

BLT: Hey, relax!

Michelle: (throwing a book at BLT) You relax! (she throws the rest of her books at him) Why don't you leave me alone? Why can't you stop bugging me?

BLT: Michelle, stop it!

Michelle: (screaming) YOU stop it! YOU STOP IT!!

(Michelle stops. Her eyes roll around. She collapses onto the floor!!)

BLT: (rushing towards Michelle) Michelle? Michelle! Michelle!! Somebody get the nurse!

This episode was copyrighted in MCMLXXXIX, I whole year before "Jessie's Song" aired. Gay marriage, universal health care, once again, Canada beats us to the punch.

posted by Matt the Great @ 11/01/2005