Greatest Songs Never To Be Sung By Corey Feldman: TA-DAH! (1)
Track 1/”I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’”/1 Fucking Day Remains
I don’t know, have any of y’all heard this song yet? A little catchy? Kinda fun? Dig the lasers?
Yeah, me too.
Dancy-ness: a trillion.
Greatest Songs Never To Be Sung By Corey Feldman: TA-DAH! (2)
Track 2 / "She's My Man" / 2 Days Remain
Greatest Songs Never To Be Sung By Corey Feldman: TA-DAH! (3)
Track 3/”I Can’t Decide”/3 Days Remain. Oh God.
Is this my favorite song on the album? I think it might be, at least at this early point in my budding relationship with TA-DAH!. Here are my reasons: 1) its lyrics are homicidal (“Oh I could throw you in the lake/Or feed you poisoned birthday cake”); 2) metaphors with more camp than a dinner at Waikiki Wally’s (“If lies were cats you’d be a litter”); 3) it’s beautifully catchy; 4) it has these total pauses where Jake Shears takes a breath before singing the chorus. This is definitely the song I sing to myself, and others, the most.
Dancy-ness: 8
Greatest Songs Never To Be Sung By Corey Feldman: TA-DAH! (4)
Track 4/”Lights”/4 Days Remain
“The strutting love song “Lights” is a high point,” is what the NYT has to say re: this one. And yeah, it’s a good one, very ‘70s, but a high point? Clearly this guy did a very cursory listening of only a couple tracks. If even. Did he skip Track 2? Track 7? Tracks 3 and 6? Who wrote this shit?
Dancy-ness: 4
Greatest Songs Never To Be Sung By Corey Feldman: TA-DAH! (5)
Track 5 / "Land of a Thousand Words" / 5 Days Remain
Greatest Songs Never To Be Sung By Corey Feldman: TA-DAH! (6)
Track 6 / "Intermission" / 6 Days Remain
Greatest Songs Never To Be Sung By Corey Feldman: TA-DAH! (7)
Track 7/”Kiss You Off”/7 Days Remain
God, Ana Matronic, you’re fabulous. Thank you for going into the singing industry.
She’s singing on this one, and it totally reminds me of her debut album romp, “Filthy/Gorgeous.” In 7 days, she’ll sing this song to me live, and she’ll no doubt preface it with some ridiculously verbose, rantastic speech, and a Hammerstein Ballroom full of kids will eat it up.
Dancy-ness: 8—wait, Stuart Price, is that your name attached to this song? You’re right: 50.
Greatest Songs Never To Be Sung By Corey Feldman: TA-DAH! (9)
Track 9/”Paul McCartney”/9 Days Remain
It’s not one of the ones that I’ve listened to 800 times yet, but I can hear that it’s really great. I’ll probably fall for it later on, as mine and TA-DAH!’s love matures, much like what happened last time with “Better Luck Next Time.” It is damn fun, though, even if I haven’t figured out why Paul McCartney gets such a shout out. Maybe I’m just jealous there isn’t a track called “Matt Gurry”?
Dancy-ness: 8.5
Greatest Songs Never To Be Sung By Corey Feldman: TA-DAH! (10)
Track 10 / "The Other Song" / 10 Days Remain
If you like ballads, this song will do you right. And get this: this song requires the liner notes to footnote that, "Jusy Garland dialogue used courtesy of the Judy Garland Heirs' Trust" ... because it ends with Judy Garland speaking that she can find love. When you listened to thins song, did it take you back to Cyndi Lauper's "911" on True Colors--you know, because Pee-Wee Herman "plays" the 911 operator at the end of the song? It took me there.
Dancy-ness: 2 (it is a ballad)
Greatest Songs Never To Be Sung By Corey Feldman: TA-DAH! (11)
Track 11/”Might Tell You Tonight”/11 Days Remain
The NYT—the source any true music-lover goes to for opinions of pop music—says of the song it is a low point, a “tepid balad.” It’s one of my favorites. Maybe it’s because when I close my eyes and think about someone nervously thinking of telling me that, “you should stay all my life,” the synth-strings are exactly what I hear. Maybe it’s also because just like in the song, I hear Jake Shears saying those words. One day.
The song defines love in terms of toothbrush usage and storage, a beautiful idiosyncrasy I’ll always be a fan of and have been ever since No Doubt’s “Bathwater.”
Dancy-ness: 7.5—it’s not a discotastic highlight, but when you consider awkward eighth grade slow dancing, it’s totally dancy.
Greatest Songs Never To Be Sung By Corey Feldman: TA-DAH! (12)
Track 12 / "Everybody Wants the Same Thing" / 12 Days Remain
Sadly, the album’s closer is what I think is kind of its low point. Lyrically it’s great, but musically, it’s no Track 1. It’s a good downer in that it reminds me what a rat race we’re all in, but nowhere near as artery-slitting-inducing as “Return to Oz” was two years ago. And you can’t dance to it.
Dancy-ness: 1
Greatest Songs Never To Be Sung By Corey Feldman: TA-DAH!
In a special section within THE BEST SONGS NEVER TO BE SUNG BY COREY FELDMAN, everyday I will be sharing a track of Scissor Sisters album number two, TA-DAH! These entries are a countdown to October 21, the night my life will change forever, the night Matt the Great sees the Scissor Sisters at Hammerstein Ballroom.
We’ll go through the album song-by-song, and I’m going to use my sister
Kevin’s scale of dancy-ness that he had to invent for his recap of that concert that happened over the summer.
Kevin defines his dancy-ness-ometer thusly:
“10 being on fire with glitter and passion, 1 being Stephen Hawking.”
We start tomorrow.
