Sunday, May 28, 2006

Brogging Abroad

TODAY'S BIG EVENT: Onsen (see below)

IS-THE-U.S.-TAKING-NOTES OF THE DAY:
Almost all the restaurants have call buttons on the table that summon your waiter. Perfect.

SHOUT-OUT TO MICHAEL ETTIANNANI OF THE DAY:
Out of your list of 13, I hit 9. I missed a couple of the big ones such as the Nishiki Market; if Lonely Planet found out, they would slap me. But the ones I did catch made my trip so much better...thanks!!

You are owed a major shout-out for item number 9, "find a place that makes melon-pan (because it's really good)." It was really good indeed, though I would offer a bigger adjective: really amazing, perhaps.

J-POP MUSIC VIDEO OF THE DAY:
Pink Lady & Morning Musume singing their big hits together on some variety show. It made a huge splash one night at karaoke.

GERMANE-TO-JAPAN OF THE DAY:
The previously mentioned onsen. The Japanese love taking hot baths, and they love taking their baths together. Val and I hiked in the northern hills of Kyoto--the area is named Kurama--to see a temple with a very cool, secret catacomb and then on to take a bath, or rather, baths. The bathhouse has two areas, an indoor and an outdoor. Additionally, it has a relaxation room to recover from the grueling trial of soaking in a hot spring bath. You have to shower before getting in the baths, and when I saw the shower, I had no idea what to do. There was a mirror with a handheld shower head, a stool, and an ottoman. Later I found out that it wasn't an ottoman so much as a bucket that was just upside-down you use to dump fresh water over yourself. This is how I learned that being naked in front of people only heightens the experience of making a cultural faux pas. The indoor bath had a hot bath (yum), a cold bath (hell), and a sauna that was 70*C, which translates to 1,000,000*F. I lasted two minutes in there. Nonetheless, Val and I left the baths clean, refreshed, and relaxed.

And oh--you remain robed in the co-ed areas, so I got to wear a kimono!:

Friday, May 26, 2006

Brogging Abroad

ENGRISH OF THE DAY:
"Wavy front panel creates a lively motion. I wish you good luck and pleasant time."
--On the wavy-surfaced coin changing machine at Namco's Wonder Tower arcade

GERMANE-TO-JAPAN OF THE DAY:
TAIKO!! This is the most bad-ass entrant to video gaming since Donkey Kong. Both players get a taiko drum and have to beat the rhythm of whatever song you selct: 1812, William Tell, Carmen, MARIO THEME!, J-pop song, etc. It's tough. Sometimes you're just hitting the head, but other times, you have rim shots, rolls, and double hits. Winner is the one with the most accuracy. It's by far the best attraction at Wonder Tower, but it's no surprise that Namco would come up with such wonderful gaming.

IMPROVEMENT-ON-MELON SODA OF THE DAY, IF THAT WAS POSSIBLE:
Melon Cream Soda

SCARLETT JOHANSSON MOMENT OF THE DAY:
Sitting around Val's apartment in a haze of malaise: The evening rain weather.com promised came early--11 am--making sight-seeing wet and chilly. I came back to Val's to dry off/wait for her, and have just been sulking around.

This entry had a brief shot at being called the "LUCY EPISODE OF THE DAY" because I am using this downtime to do my laundry. I just kind of pressed buttons until something happened. No incident as of yet.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Brogging Abroad

TODAY'S BIG EVENT: Monkeys in the morning; good vegetarian food for lunch; geisha-land at night.

JAPANESE OF THE DAY:
"AIEEEEEEE-EEE-EEE-EEE!!!" -- what a Japanese monkey yells when you give him a piece of apple and another monkey tries to take it from him.

STEREOTYPES-COME-FROM-SOMEWHERE OF THE DAY:
Several of the attractions I've been to are hot tourist spots, but there aren't very many Western tourists. They're all tourists from other parts of Japan, and quite [un]fortunately, they all have big floppy hats, carry crazy-big cameras, and take many pictures of themselves in front of the given monument.

CULINARY ADVENTURE OF THE DAY:
Shojin-ryori. This is the food Zen Buddhist monks would eat, and they serve it in temples today. It's...totally...vegetarian. No fish broth, no fish flakes, no chicken that shouldn't have been there in the first place. And it's delicious. For New Yorkers, think Gobo, but less hip and simpler flavors. For Mom and Dad, think blobs of mushy stuff.

ENGRISH OF THE DAY:
"It costs 3,000 yen per person and one bag is free. ... 1,000 yen as the extra charge of the spare prick from piece second." (email confirmation for airport shuttle)

PHOTO OF THE DAY:
(--NOT shojin ryori--)

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Brogging Abroad

IS-THE-U.S.-TAKING-NOTES OF THE DAY:
All the trains AND BUSES are on schedules, and get this: they stick to them! A train that arrives at 12:52 will arrive at 12:52.

GERMANE-TO-JAPAN OF THE DAY:
Eastern toilets! They're troughs in the ground you squat over. And make sure you have some tissues in your pocket!

CULINARY ADVENTURE OF THE DAY:
Popping Shower Ice Cream. OK, ready for this? Baskin Robbins has this flavor that is a crazy, swirly color and contains...POP ROCKS!

Brogging abroad

BIG EVENT OF THE DAY: Who has now seen all three of the world's captive whale sharks? Matt the Great has! Today was Kaiyukan, the Osaka Aquarium!

EAST-MEETS-WEST SONG OF THE DAY:
At the train station in Osaka, they were piping in a Jap-pop song that sampled "Battle Hymn of the Republic."

GERMANE-TO-JAPAN OF THE DAY:
Melon soda

HAIKU OF THE DAY:
Kids on a field trip
Matt tries to watch the whale shark
Kids: 1; Matt: 0

Monday, May 22, 2006

Brogging Abroad


TODAY'S BIG EVENT: Going to Val's elementary school to teach the kids how to say the names of countries in English. Scheduled and upheld an UNO playdate with a 5th Grader. At lunch, I couldn't figure out how to open my [whole--gross] milk. The boy across the table opened it for me. They all thought that was funny.

CULTURAL AWARENESS LESSON OF THE DAY:
You have to pack indoor shoes and change into them when indoors.

EAST-MEETS-WEST QUESTION OF THE DAY:
"Why do you have black hair?"
--Little girl to Matt the Great, who is both from America AND not blond

GERMANE-TO-JAPAN OF THE DAY:
25 kids wanting my autograph!

JAPANESE OF THE DAY:
sakana, katsuo bushi, nerimono, tako, iwashi, shifudo, kai, ebi, ika, be-kon, bi-fi, chikken, hamu, ramu, niku, buta niku = the list every vegetarian discusses with his waiter before ordering

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Brogging Abroad

TODAY'S BIG EVENT: Birthday party on Biwa-ko

GERMANE-TO-JAPAN OF THE DAY:
Beer Truck!

Today was Val & Kevin's birthdays, observed, and we went to Japan's biggest lake, about 45 minutes northeast of Kyoto. At the lake, the party had rented a beer truck. A beer truck is a truck that drives to your site containing 60 liters of beer dispensed from the three taps on the side.
HAIKU OF THE DAY:
Thirteen-hour flight
And a beer truck on the lake
Major hangover

Friday, May 19, 2006

Brogging Abroad

HAIKU OF THE DAY, dedicated to 42A:
Shut up you baby
Infuriating screaming
Will shoot me or it


GERMANE-TO-JAPAN OF THE DAY:
Electronically heated toilet seat!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Brogging Abroad

Today begins a very special, limited edition section up here in Matt the Great-land. For up to the next two weeks, teaMMatt will relocate to Kyoto, Japan, and teaMMatt will [possibly] be blogging about it. Readers know that teaMMatt only does things that are well themed up, so this special section will be called "Brogging Abroad."
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What is "Brogging Abroad"? At first I thought it would be a haiku-a-day, but then I realized that thinking I would actually write eleven haikus was a terrible joke. Then I thought it would be a photo-a-day, but then I realized that me thinking I have the tech capabilities to post my own photos was a terrible joke. And then I thought it would be an Engrish quote-of-the-day, but then I realized that I would likely just start making things up. But then I realized my answer. In my angst period and even my post-angst period, Alanis Morissette's website was a regular hit. She had [still has?] a section titled "Musings," and that's basically a place for her to do whatever the hell she wants. Poetry, jokes, observations, watercolors--it's just Alanis "being free." Gross, no? But that will be "Brogging Abroad." Matt the Great "being free."
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The trip's already in shambles. At midnight tonight, I got the call from OrbitzTLC saying my 10:00 am LGA-ORD flight was canceled, so they've taken the liberty of booking me on the 7am. Supershuttle arrives in two hours. Rock.
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Nonetheless, I left a really cute extended absence greeting on my cell phone, and I am totally stoked. I'd like to say I'm going because I want to visit my good friend. Or because I got an amazing airfare. Or that I am expanding my life experience. Or that I will have seen all of the world's captive whale sharks by the trip's end. But let's face it: there is one reason I am going to Japan, and that reason is that Gwen Stefani made Japan awesome by choosing it as a phase to go through on her cd. Look out Love, Angel, Music, and Baby; there's a new Harajuku Girl in town, and her name is Matt the Great.
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[Note: I had such a bad-ass picture of Gwen and her Harajuku Girls for this, but Blogspot's being a turducken, and you guys suffer for it. Sorry.]