Matt the Great

I woke up this Saturday morning, and after brushing, peeing, and eating cereal like always, I turn on the FN. Here's the schedule:

10am--How to Boil Water: "Kick-off Can Dos"
10:30--Paula's Home Cooking: "Game Night: Appetizers"
11--Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: "Tailgate BBQ"
11:30--30-Minute Meals: "Home Field Advantage"
12pm--Everyday Italian: "Game Night"
12:30--Barefoot Contessa: "Canapes and Canvassed"
1--Easy Entertaining with Michael Chiarello: "Are You Ready for Some Football"
1:30--Good Deal with Dave Lieberman: "Sports Party"
2--BBQ with Bobby Flay: "Extreme Sports BBQ"

The Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV This Week came when I was flipping through the TimeWarner Guide looking at what everyone was cooking and saw:

12:30--Barefoot Contessa: "Canapes and Canvassed"

Clearly today's theme is "the big game," but not the Barefoot Contessa's, for today, she is working on a catering spread for her friend's opening at a "wonderful art gallery in East Hampton." While everyone else is making chili-centric meals, beer-infused dishes, recipes that have words like "touchdown" and "score" in their titles, Ina is making figs & prosciutto, spanokopita, cheese straws, and "[her] friend Miguel is making the most amazing fruit topiaries!"

I think the reason I love her so much today is because she's reminding me of me on my childhood sports teams. One of my parents' favorite stories is when in tee-ball I was playing the outfield. I was completely turned away from the bases wearing my glove over my face. The coach comes over with a "what's up," asking how I plan on catching a ball that comes my way.

"I have magical powers," says the little and *adorable* Matt. I just did not give a shit. I had my own 5-year old's equivalent to an East Hampton gallery opening to worry about.

And also, here in the middle of January, I'm really pining for this summer when Kevin takes Nick and me to his [parents'] house in Montauk. Pining so badly, in fact, that I'm in a Friendster group dedicated to the planning of hampt06ns. I have strong reservations with the word "fabulous," but I'm allowing myself to use it here. I mean, if I'm looking for an appropriate oppurtunity to say "fabulous," a land with mozzarella and tomato topiaries must be that.

Hi there, Mattketeers*! My new relationship with The Man has trampled over my commitment to writing about Geena Davis and Degrassi while in my underwear, which I got to do a lot of when I was "working" as an usher. And we're all the lesser for it. But I've been thinking a lot about www.mattthegreat.blogspot.com, and I have some things planned that we can all be very excited about. NEW FEATURES!, for example. Because of the overwhelming praise I regularly receive for my episodic organization (NYCO co-worker J-Co once told me he thought it's pretty cool), I've decided to really do it up. And here's what I've got coming:

" sandra lee, huh? well, pretty much i think she's a fraud. she's not a "chef" and has no place on the food network. i mean, i guess there's a place for her and what she does in the world... those are the kinds of recipes real housewives in the midwest really trade with eachother. which is fine, i guess, but that's something for a cheap little magazine at the checkout counter, not really something to go along side bobby flay, mario battalli, sara moulton, et al. she shows you how to put together packaged and processed products and PASS THEM OFF as "homemade". her "recipes" (and i hesitate to use that word) are either the kind of thing you get right off of a package of whatever or they're just overkill. one of her christmas "recipes" was to take a package of white chocolate covered oreos and make some colored frosting and drizzle it on them. what?! gale gands would be showing you how to MAKE oreos. or her christmas idea to buy tons of packaged candy and let the kids decorate a mini tree with candy necklaces and gumdrops and licorice, etc. nothing says home or family or baby jesus more than a fake tree with twizzlers on paperclips. she's the anti-martha stewart... she's all about artiface and no quality. her whole angle is these "shortcuts" because she "doesn't have time". what does she do all day? other than shop thriftstores for her themed tablescapes? she's always concerned about and referring to "the kids" and yet, she has none. obviously she doesn't have any kids of her own with that dumbass decorate-a-tree-with-candy idea... who would want to deal with their sugar shocked kids after that? but she only thinks about the kids until it's cocktail time when she includes a cocktail recipe in every episode (i guess to help her deal with all those two nieces of hers) and adds alcohol to recipes that don't need it (and usually she goes for the hard stuff, too.) i think the saddest thing is that she represents a larger trend on the part of the food network to take the lower road and go this direction with their programming in general. less and less is it actual chefs showing you new and fresh ingredients, techniques, and fundamentals... more and more it's personalities showing you shortcuts with packaged products. oh, she also deals with processed foods all day and yet she's rail-thin... how does that happen? at least paula deen is full-figured! "