Matt the Great

The best songs never to be sung by Corey Feldman: by CYNDI LAUPER

1. For YEARS, I loved "Hazy Shades of Winter." I thought, "Gee, this is such a great Bangles song!" Then, one day I heard a crunchy cover of "Hazy Shades" and thought it was a cool way to re-interpret the song. Turns out, the re-interpreters were Simon and Garfunkel, and they re-interpreted it a solid decade before the original!
2. The best part of Christmas this year was Ladystein's 'How Ladystein Saved Christmas' concert. This was in February. They sang "Jessie's Girl." I died. There was more trademark Ladystein apathy packed in that familiar post-chorus pause ("...Where can I find a woman like that? / [pause] / [guitar chords resume]") than in my entire middle school career.
3. I know all the words to "Ring of Fire." I didn't learn them from Johnny Cash. I learned them from Blondie.
4. I know all the words to "Heroes." I didn't learn them from David Bowie. I learned them from Blondie.
5. Did you guys know that "Comfortably Numb" isn't a Scissor Sisters original? I didn't.
6. The Swedes will always beat us at pop music. Totally. But Erasure manages to beat ABBA at Swedish pop music.

But when I heard that Cyndi Lauper's catalogue was to get the cover treatment, I found the end of my Cover Lovin'. Don't fuck with the masters. (see: Roundabout Theatre Company) But then I learned that the person charged with covering the twelve tunes was actually quite capable and worthy of my trust. That person is Cyndi Lauper.

Her holiday season release record was The Body Acoustic, and on it, she restyles her old and new classics with acoustic makeovers and special guest stars. The acoustified "She Bop" makes you feel severely guilty for every time you've ever masturbated...ever. You want to go to church, badly. We see lez-rock favorites Ani DiFranco and Sarah McLachlan (On a Cyndi Lauper cd. This is why we are now seeing all this women's heart disease stuff. Lesbians are exploding.). Japanese pop-brat stars Puffy Ami Yumi giggle on "Girls..." It's great.

Matt the Great's official favorite Cyndi song is "All Through the Night." Here, it's perfect. She calls on Shaggy to help her out on this one--a very good choice. His function is to weave his rap thang in and out of her singing as well as to bring it home on the breakdown. It creates the hybrid of Alanis Morissette's "Front Row" and Erasure's "Take A Chance On Me." It's subtly Zydecoed up (she loves her Zydeco).

Across the album, we hear that strain in her voice that no doubt comes from having to squint her eyes all the time. The album sounds as if she said, "OK, we're doing each song in one take, and if it's not perfect, then fuck it," but in a good way. In a live concert sort of way. Playing the cd really brings up the emotional journey you go through at one of her concerts, and since I've been to a couple [14] of her concerts, I do consider myself somewhat of an authority on the Lauper Live! sound.

There's been a lot of Cyndi Lauper business lately. I saw Threepenny. I wanted to write about it, but this site doesn't cover outings at the "Gay Store," as Popzilla calls Broadway. (Watch out for this Popzilla. I believe Popzilla is the new Pink Is the New Blog.) When you clicked on Popzilla's link, you surely saw the Madonna/Cyndi collaboration post. You're right, P, Chelsea just imploded, and so did I. I'll leave now with this Lauper Live! short story: when Jaclyn and I saw her on The Today Show at Bryant Park one summer (cooking bundt cakes with Emeril), someone in the crowd yelled, "You're so much cooler than Madonna." Cyndi just rolled her eyes and kept singing.

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And for the record, the Celine Dion "Drove All Night" cover: it never happened, as far as I'm concerned.

posted by Matt the Great @ 4/25/2006