Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV This Week
Paula Deen: "It's Thanksgivin' time, and while the rest of the country's hunkerin' down for a long winter, we're still enjoyin' the out-of-doors. We're still in shorts. And Mama's in flip-flops!"
I watched Paula Deen's Thanksgiving at Home (Savannah), and she made turducken, and that was the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV This Week.
OK. Here is MTG's backstory with turducken: at the Walter Kerr Theater, we get a lot of annoying people who are comically dumb. No seriously, we keep a book of the dumb things they (and we) say. Our feisty, little ticket taker Brandon and his saucy coworker Elizabeth Taylor (for real) discovered turducken and immediately applied the term to a special type of Excuse Me that needed that extra special flourish of insult. An Excuse Me, of course, is any ticket holder for any given art performance ever ("Excuse me, where's the restroom?" Excuse me, I need a playbill." "Excuse me, where can I get the hearing devices?" "Excuse me, there's an excessively large woman in the seat next to me." "Excuse me, where is your handicap facility?"). And somehow, we got to usin' this Southern delicacy of turkey, stuffed with duck, stuffed with chicken to describe these people.
Yes, I'm a vegetarian, and yes, this is, like, the most offensive meat dish ever, but it represents something so wonderful. It's so trailer chic. So where on Manhattan would you find it? At a
hip place in a
trendy neighborhood neighborhood.
Makin' the turducken's pretty easy. We see all three animals sliced open and sprawled out on Paula's c
uttin' board. She stacks them and seperates them with layers of stuffin' (key ingredient: 2 sticks of butter). As her dogs Dixie and Ladybird yelp, she and her main squeeze Michael sew it all up. The bird(s) slide around in the pan, so Paula hollers, "he just got fresh with me! Bad boy!" And spanks it! After it's baked, she slices it open, and it looks like a
bouche de Noel, only disgusting.
And she ends the special at the table, "Alright. Don, Bobby, Brooke, Jamie, Michael, Bubba, Aunt Peggy, Connie...this is to love and family. And to all y'all out there...love and best dishes to your family on a wonderful Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgivin', y'all! Pass the turducken."
To all of Matt the Great's readers, Season's Eatings, y'all! Pass the tofurkey.
Cyber Monday
On Friday, the news media celebrated Black Friday. But Black Friday is so over, and the news media's Next Big Thing is Cyber Monday: the first day back in the office [the first ever day in the office for newly employed MTG =u) *] where we have the high speed power to buy our online gifts, say the merchants, making it sweet to shop! shop! shop!
Well,
www.mattthegreat.blogspot.com readers, teaMMatt has presents for you!
New features!
- The Best Songs Never to be Sung by Corey Feldman
- As Good as Number Two
and the big one...
- 12 Days of Reviews of 12 Days of Christmas Specials on the Food Network
Get ready, y'all, December is going to be crazy.
---
* - emoticon TM, Nick Austin
Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV This Week
...and I saw
lots of tv this week, my Sick Week. So let's just call the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV This Week
Sleepless in Seattle. They even played it twice, back-to-back; except the second time, they called it
You've Got Mail. Anyway, I watched it both times.
We'll Be Right Back
Matt the Great is a little poopy right now with a head cold. My witty e-friend, but recently real friend Nick once asked, "did you have dramatic second-act-
Evita moments of losing your balance and clutching on to curtains or furniture? Laying, languid and pail in your sweat-soaked bed while attendants give you sips of water and bites of Godiva ice cream (since you're practically dying anyway, you might as well enjoy it and do it in style)?"
Curtain clutching, yes; asshole roommates feeding me Godiva, no.
Well Nick, as I slip into verse two of "You Must Love Me," I suggest going to
http://gayninjarobot.blogspot.com/ (GNR--I hope this link is sweeter than the "quick, rough, and blind-folded" hand job you asked for) for some teaMMatt endorsed blogging. But come back real soon!
Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV This Week
The Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV This Week was the absence of baseball. The baseball season's end frees up Fox to air their Sunday night biumverate
, The Simpsons /
The Family Guy, as well as their Monday night DVR-worthy
Kitchen Confidential. Treehouse of Horror 36 began with Kang and Kogos pointing out how baseball as an activity blows. Bart actually (ding!) said both "Cowabunga!" and "eat my shorts." I was happy the episode was generally better than mediocre.
The Family Guy gave us a pointed commentary on the recent
(1) wardrobe malfunction-gate.
Kitchen Confidential wasn't actually (ding!) on this week; maybe it got cancelled. I don't know.
(1) - in geologic terms. Yeah, they're two years late on that one (I'm guessing Fox was afraid to air it when it was topical), but this episode made fun of people reading East of Eden AND had a musical number!
Adventures in Hotness: GWEN STEFANI
Every day after a No Doubt concert, my away message is generally, "Gwen Stefani has more cool in her little finger than I'll have in my whole life." I always end up arriving at depression by way of jealousy when I think of just how rad she is, and how rad I will never be. Jaclyn, Gwen, and I were at MSG this Tuesday night. Boy, she is uncontrollably sexy. Gwen, not Jaclyn. Jaclyn has a great personality though.
The concert was ridiculous and big (her very special guests, the Black Eyed Peas, had very special guests of their own, James Brown and Justin Timberlake). One of the hottest parts of the night, no doubt, was that Gwen sang through the whole damn thing (no surprise). She was there with her Harajuku Girls. I went in thinking the concert would be over-the-top exploitative of Japan, but I don't think any Harajukan would mind. Not that a Harajukan would care anyway; this, from teaMMatt's Japanese Culture Correspondent Val, a self-described "non-fluent foreigner that teaches teenagers but doesn't spend 24/7 with them":
As for the Gwen Stefani situation, teenage girls in Japan don't really even know who she is. They're into Avril Lavigne and Britney Spears if they dare venture out of their J-Pop scene. It seems as though Ms. Stefani is into Harajuku, but Harajuku couldn't give a damn about her.
Some of Gwen's hotter moments included a hot, hot 1950s bikini in red, a flowy Monroe gown for "Cool," and, well, any other time she was onstage. She was doing some badass dancing in bigass high heels. I asked Jaclyn--I guess she's my Female Issues Expert--if that is hard to do, and for perspective, she offered that she can't even walk in heels.
Jaclyn and I, both No Doubt purists, were happy with Gwen in her typical presence; she's awkard, her dancing's a little geeky, we were scared of her in punk and attracted to her in glam. We went to be dutiful, but came out thinking the night was so hella good. The album's rad, and I've known that for a year, but when you put a high-heeled Gwen in a majorette uniform and watch her jump, you suddenly
get "Hollaback Girl." Favorite songs of the night: "Crash" (MTG did not holla "back it up, back it up" when she requested that of her New York City Boys. Nor did Jaclyn holla, "you got it, you got it," as was asked of Gwen's New York City Girls.), "The Real Thing" for being so 80s tuff, and the un-released "Candyland."
Kevin, who describes the night as "the 180-degree opposite of sucking," belives Ms. Stefani to be "literally an icon for the ages. One or two more albums and she'll be the biggest star in the world." And this should have us wondering, "what about Madonna?" Again, Kevin, who we'll call teaMMatt's Gwen Field Reporter, offers, "she's the new Madonna. Flippin' genius."
<--Girl, not Hollaback
Girl, Material-->
He might have a point. The NYT reviewed "Harajuku Lovers Tour," And Madonna is mentioned in sentences 2 and 3. Later, the Stef' (it's gonna catch on--no doubt) is referred to as, "a material girl strutting to the beats and keeping any ironies to heself."
Fischer, who is teaMMatt's Head Correspondent for the Gwen/Madonna Conflict, brought this quote to teaMMatt a while ago:
Madonna has recorded a new single, "Hung Up." She played it recently to a friend who said, "It's quite Gwen Stefani, isn't it?"
Her reply? "That cunt's been stealing from me for the last ten years, so I thought it was time I paid her back."
source: ask Fischer.
Now Madonna will never really offend me because she is Madonna, but for real, that shit is just a little too bananas.
Days later, Fischer found this in USA Today:
"She ripped me off, so we mutually agreed that I could rip her off," Madonna quips of Stefani. "We work with a lot of the same people. She married a Brit, she's got blond hair and she likes fashion. But I don't mind. I think she's very sweet and really talented."
And as he pointed out, there is peace in the valley. Good thing he bothered to glance at his USA Today before he re-lined his birdcage or whatever it was he was doing with a USA Today.
Now to close, I'd like to share my favorite-ever Gwen Stefani Live quote. It comes from No Doubt concert #1 at Roseland:
"We're having a contest to see which city screams the loudest. So far, the winner is Utah."
Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV This Week
Jessie: Time? TIME??! There’s never any time! I don’t have time to study! I’ll never get into Stanford! I’ll let everyone down! I’m so confused
Zack: Everything will be all right, just calm down, OK?
Jessie: You’re right! Everything will be OK. I just need one of these!
Zack: Pills?? You mean you really are taking drugs?!
Jessie: I need them! I need them Zack I HAVE TO SING!
Zack: Jessie! You can’t sing tonight!
Jessie: Yes I can! I’M SO EXCITED! I’M SO EXCITED! I’M SO ... (sob) .... SCARED! (Cries)
Zack: Jessie, hey don’t be scared. Listen, we’ll get through this. Remember that time when we snuck out to see ET, riding home on our bikes, it was so dark--we were scared. C'mon.
(
Quoted on http://poppycockcircus.com/v-web/b2/index.php?m=200408. You *won't* be disappointed.)When someone says, "
Saved By The Bell," you know the caffeine pill episode is going to be mentioned within two or three beats, and we all know why it's so awesome, so I'm not going to bother talking about it.
But...
I was watching a
Degrassi, Old School, and listen to (read) this!:
BLT (for real): Hi Michelle. What's in the bag?
Michelle: Nothing.
(BLT reaches for Michelle's bag.)
Michelle: I said no!
BLT: Fine.
Michelle: I'm sorry, you know how I get during exams. It's just these. (She hands him a blue box of "Perk-Ups.")
BLT: Caffeine pills? Michelle, what are you doing taking drugs for?
Michelle: They're not drugs; they're just like lots coffee!
BLT: These are drugs.
Michelle: C'mon, they can't be that bad. You don't even need a prescription. They just help keep me awake, that's all.
--And then later, the breakdown, or The Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV This Week--
BLT: (enters) Ready for the Geography exam? It's in five minutes.
Michelle: Five minutes? Oh no! I lost track of time! I'm not ready. I'll blow it. I know I'll blow it. (she hurriedly gathers her books)
BLT: Calm down.
Michelle: Why should I calm down?! Why are you always telling me what to do? You're worse than my dad, you know that? (in a fit of bad acting, she drops her belongings) Oh no! Everything's going all wrong!
BLT: Hey, relax!
Michelle: (throwing a book at BLT) You relax! (she throws the rest of her books at him) Why don't you leave me alone? Why can't you stop bugging me?
BLT: Michelle, stop it!
Michelle: (screaming) YOU stop it! YOU STOP IT!!
(Michelle stops. Her eyes roll around. She collapses onto the floor!!)
BLT: (rushing towards Michelle) Michelle? Michelle! Michelle!! Somebody get the nurse!
This episode was copyrighted in MCMLXXXIX, I whole year before "Jessie's Song" aired. Gay marriage, universal health care, once again, Canada beats us to the punch.
Paula Deen: "It's Thanksgivin' time, and while the rest of the country's hunkerin' down for a long winter, we're still enjoyin' the out-of-doors. We're still in shorts. And Mama's in flip-flops!"
uttin' board. She stacks them and seperates them with layers of stuffin' (key ingredient: 2 sticks of butter). As her dogs Dixie and Ladybird yelp, she and her main squeeze Michael sew it all up. The bird(s) slide around in the pan, so Paula hollers, "he just got fresh with me! Bad boy!" And spanks it! After it's baked, she slices it open, and it looks like a bouche de Noel, only disgusting. 
